My Ceremonial Pajamas were Polka-Dotted
Grandma wore a black, beaded, sequined wedding gown- I’m going to remember tonight forever
- describing him as a drunken maniac
- jack-in-the-box wound to the breaking point
- joke about having sex with bigfoot
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My ceremonial pajamas were polka-dotted, and of the footie variety, with a sash for my medals. I hurried to the reception, wondering about the message on the mirror. Was it true? Could the marriage still be stopped?
When I burst into the ballroom, Mother and John were in the process of handing each other small metal tins. I was too late! They’d exchanged snuffboxes! To make things worse, they were surrounded by my many, many children.
Mother looked at the army of babies and said, “I hope you will all remember that Grandma wore a black, beaded, sequined wedding gown, and that she looked damn fine.”
“I know I’m going to remember tonight forever,” said John with a lewd wink.
I tried to push my way through the crowd to reach them, still hoping to somehow stop things. Mother took up a microphone and gave a toast about her new husband, describing him as a drunken maniac who won her heart in a game of snooker. I was so upset I felt like a jack-in-the-box wound to the breaking point, and that was before my mother praised John’s hairy chest and made a joke about having sex with bigfoot.
“Mother!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “Not in front of the children!”
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