Tagged: holiday

I Caught a Glimpse of Titania and BimBam

Happy New Years! To welcome 2024, we’ll be combining forces for our writing prompt again this week. To make things seasonally appropriate, we pulled the prompt phrases from Dave Barry’s 2023 Year in Review. Just like last time, Jen goes first. We’ll alternate until Kent uses the final phrase, and the results will be beautiful to behold.

  • styling his hair with a defective Roomba
  • — we’ll call them Bill and Jane —
  • the situation is hopeless
  • with a heavy heart and an upset stomach
  • bored with balloons
  • narcissistic gasbags
  • like a cheap lawn chair at a sumo wrestler picnic
  • threat unlike any we have ever faced before
  • a sea urchin in his underdrawers
  • looks like he got kicked out of the James Bond Villain Academy for being too evil

Tune in next time part 865 & 866      Click Here for Earlier Installments

I caught a glimpse of Titania and BimBam through the gap between the front and back of the horse costume. In his passion, BimBam was so disheveled he looked like he’d taken to styling his hair with a defective Roomba. Of Titania I really could only see her feet — we’ll call them Bill and Jane — but that was enough to show me that she too was intensely committed to the moment.

I kept inching backwards, but Small Dennis resisted, making me think the situation is hopeless. What I’d seen of the clowns made me think I might be sick. It was with a heavy heart and an upset stomach that I ceased my attempted retreat lest the costume fall apart.

The grease-painted duo abruptly started making a noise that sounded like what happens when someone becomes bored with balloons just floating there on their strings, and starts rubbing them together. Or, in this case, when narcissistic gasbags rub against each other.

My back was getting tired from supporting Big Dennis. If I stood here much longer, I would probably collapse like a cheap lawn chair at a sumo wrestler picnic. But before that calamity could occur, Small Dennis and I became aware of a threat unlike any we have ever faced before. It was horrifying. BimBam started a striptease, but not the sultry striptease of a man with lust in his heart. This was the frenetic, flailing striptease of a clown with a sea urchin in his underdrawers. BimBam soon wore nothing but the scowl of a clown who looks like he got kicked out of the James Bond Villain Academy for being too evil.

bonus points for using them in order — as a team!

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BimBam Tickles

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Boxing Day!

This year we’re continuing our tradition of marking the major December holiday with a tag-team writing prompt, using snippets drawn from a seasonally appropriate source. This year’s festive trove comes from the Wikipedia page about Krampus, everyone’s favorite child-eating Christmas monster. As per usual with these unusual events, Jen will start us off. Once she’s incorporated the first ingredient, she’ll turn over control of the keyboard to Kent, and so on until all ten(!) elements have been wrapped up.

  • gifts such as oranges
  • He is hairy
  • His long, pointed tongue
  • thrashes the chains for dramatic effect
  • wearing animal furs
  • It is customary to offer schnapps
  • (mostly with broken bones)
  • pursuing buxom women
  • one winter occasion
  • sometimes accompanied with bells

Tune in next time part 863 & 864      Click Here for Earlier Installments

BimBam Tickles, the Iron Clown of Svenborgia, was still in a philosophical mood. I heard him ask Titania, “Do you find it more amusing or cruel that we are stealing bananas for all the young clownlings at the compound, when gifts such as oranges are much easier for their small hands to juggle?”

“Things worth doing are never easy,” the Crystal Clown replied. I could hear the weariness in her voice. “I can’t believe it’s taking you this long to get him ready. He is hairy, but you must have learned how to deal with that long ago.”

“I’m having a spot of trouble with the smile. His long, pointed tongue is hanging out and keeps getting in the way.”

Oh crap, I thought. That would reveal to Titania that it wasn’t me!

“Oh,” she said. “Hmm. I do recall there being something weird about his tongue, now that you mention it…” She trailed off wistfully. “It’s not quite as exhilarating as when I have a man helpless and he thrashes the chains for dramatic effect, but it’s a nice kind of weird I can assure you.”

There followed more sounds of greasepaint being slathered on skin. “This guy is really, really hairy. It’s like he’s wearing animal furs under all these clothes!”

“Oh, that I remember clearly.”

Titania sounded a little disgusted, but I focused on the amazing luck I’d had in subduing someone who could actually pass for me. At least until BimBam’s intrusive clownification ministrations woke him up. It is customary to offer schnapps to people found lurking in one’s basement, at least in Svenborgia. I had no idea what beverage would be paired with such a discovery made in one’s horse costume.

BimBam stifled a giggle and said, “I’m nearly done, and if I do say so myself, he looks exactly like the sort of unconscious clown who would be part of your entourage.”

Titania did not appreciate his tone. She swore at him in the language of clowns (which I understand just enough of), and threatened him terrifyingly with many sorts of bodily harm (mostly with broken bones).

She calmed down enough to sum it all up. “He looks demented, yes, and one could picture him pursuing buxom women. But apart from that he falls well short of my standards!”

“I recall,” BimBam said in a clown’s squeaky approximation of a sultry voice, “one winter occasion when your standards were, perhaps, not so high. I recall it quite fondly.”

They cooed and grunted more sweet nothings, leading to a moment when I was terrified that BimBam would join Titania in the saddle. Fortunately, she dismounted instead. I wasn’t able to see what ensued, but I could hear plenty of clownishly sexy noises (sometimes accompanied with bells). I began a slow retreat, trying to coax Small Dennis along with me.

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Zeus Pamplemousse Snickered

Neither of us is super into the holidays, but there are some traditions we enjoy. Chief among them is our annual display of stichomaniacal festivity. Instead of using our snazzy writing prompt generator (like we do every week), at this time of year we choose a seasonally appropriate source for our prompt phrases. In the past we’ve drawn quotes from our favorite holiday movies and lyrics from carols. This year we found a nigh-inexhaustible list of Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies and pulled some amusing snippets from the synopses. It’s fun to imagine all of these crammed into one mega-movie. As always, Jen goes first. She’ll write until she incorporates the first prompt phrase, then turn the keyboard over to Kent. We’ll trade back and forth until we’re done. Wish us luck!

  • rambunctious corgi in need of some serious training
  • brilliant, competitive crossword puzzle-solving biology teacher
  • misunderstood grouch just may steal her heart
  • Mother’s former candle-making cottage
  • butting heads over more than just architecture
  • annual Christmas Eve courtroom production
  • quit her job as a rocket engineer
  • undercover as the royal nanny
  • create a tuxedo for one of the city’s most eligible bachelors
  • single and ready to jingle

 

Tune in next time part 759 & 760      Click Here for Earlier Installments

Zeus Pamplemousse snickered. “The only celebrities in Moonopolis are robots, of course. The most famous amongst all the bots is a rambunctious corgi in need of some serious training, and we all know the word I want to hear doesn’t rhyme with K-9. You fool.”

Were I the star of a 1970s-era show about a brilliant, competitive crossword puzzle-solving biology teacher who foils criminals on weekends, the writers would have supplied me with the perfect line in response. But I was on my own. And I was freaking out, my mind spinning worst-case-scenarios about Tessa and Zeus. He’s a king and I am merely a general. If I fail to say the word, the misunderstood grouch just may steal her heart! I’d end up like all the former ambassadors and attaches living now in exile in Mother’s former candle-making cottage. No! That was not how this would end. I drew in a deep breath. “Zeus,” I began, keeping my eye on Tessa in hopes she would signal me if I got close to the correct word. “I know full well that the word does not rhyme with K-9, just as you know full well that I know full well it does not. This is no trifling matter. You and I are butting heads over more than just architecture, we are matching wits over the heart of the most magnificent woman in the world.”

Tessa’s eyes sparkled at my compliment, and she fluttered her lashes. For a moment it seemed like she was blinking in Morse code, but no Academy alumna would ever resort to such a basic scheme. Unless she knew that Zeus didn’t know Morse code, being too busy with lunar affairs of state like the annual Christmas Eve courtroom production of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer to ever bother learning it. If it was Morse code, then the first letter was a D, followed by O, N…

T, F, O, R. G, E, T… the letters were coming quickly now… T,O, D, R, I, N, K…

Tessa always was a jokester. In fact she quit her job as a rocket engineer to concentrate on her standup routine wherein she does all her bits in character as a spy who went undercover as the royal nanny but was found out because she pilfered all of the linens in the castle to create a tuxedo for one of the city’s most eligible bachelors, which wasn’t part of her nanny duties.

In any case, she was clearly not going to help me help her out of her current peccadillo. Did she want to join the harem of the Moon King? Had she tired of being single and ready to jingle?

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Not A Keyboard Was Stirring, Nor Even A Mouse

Recently, we posted about our ambitious plans for holiday-season productivity. And we’re sure you’ve been holding your collective breath awaiting news about how it’s going.

Well. We have made some progress, but not like we were hoping. Our weekends and evenings just seem to evaporate lately. Weird.

A writing partner is someone to keep you company in a turkey-coma.

A Time of Miracles

The holidays are upon us, and — truly — what better time could there be to try to get back on track with our writing schedule?

We do have a plan. It’s time for Jen to fry up another stack of stubs, whilst Kent cranks out the final few scenes from the previous batch. If he wraps that up before the new ones are ready, then he can pick up where he left off on the prose outline for Book 2. Once the fresh stubs come off the griddle, we’ll both lean back into wrting those scenes, moving Book 1 closer and closer to completion.

All of that while simultaneously keeping up with all the preparation and cleaning and shopping and halls-decking and visiting for the assorted high feasts and celebrations of the season. Plus, you know, adulting just like during any other month.

Our hope is to build up a bit of momentum and hit the ground running in the new year. It’s an audacious dream, but if it doesn’t quite work out then we’ll just resolve to knuckle down and get with the program in 2023.

A writing partner is a gift that gives all year round.

“Where Do You Want Them?”

by KentNorth Pole here we come! Each year during the thick of the winter holidays, we search out seasonally appropriate sources for our Stichomancy Writing Prompts. This year, we’ve chosen to pull random lines from that 1964 Rankin/Bass stop-motion classic, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Prepare to be festive!

  • Not if you don’t mind me being a dentist
  • Why weren’t you at elf practice?
  • “How would you like to be a spotted elephant?”
  • Shiny? I’d even say it glows.
  • I’m the king of jingling

Tune in next time part 654      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“Where do you want them?” Dr Ferguson asked, brandishing icicle slugs at every sensitive zone on my body.

“Don’t rush me! I’m about to make history here, remember? Maybe give me a second to consider my options?”

She narrowed her eyes at me, but she did drop back a step. “Sorry. I hope you aren’t too upset that I’m an impatient ophthamologist who has certain needs.”

“Not if you don’t mind me being a dentist who never actually became a dentist.”

A smile softened her gaze. “That’s my favorite kind of dentist. But I am a little peeved that you dragged me all the way up here to find you. Why weren’t you at elf practice?”

I hadn’t attended any functions of the Elite League of Fornicators in years. In fact I’d only ever been to one practice, per se. How would Dr Ferguson even know about that?

“Quit stalling!” she scolded. “Position #34 awaits, so make up your mind about these beauties.” She proffered the glistening, transparent mollusks. While I was hypnotized by their waving eyestalks, with her other hand she tugged on the waistband of the crocheted trousers. Peering down into my pants, she crooned, “How would you like to be a spotted elephant?”

“On my back,” I blurted. “Put them on my back, please.”

Dr Ferguson waved bye-bye at my crotch and then circled around behind me. “Huh,” she said. “I hope they can make contact with your skin through all this hair.” A strange, warm sweetness told me they’d succeeded, and then the good doctor sashayed back into view. The remaining slug was between her breasts.

“Look how shiny the trail is,” she stage-whispered.

“Shiny? I’d even say it glows.” The sweetness on my back had already soaked through to my front, and I was no longer afraid of the icicle slug. I wasn’t afraid of anything. I wasn’t tired anymore. “Shall we?” I asked, lowering myself in preparation for the North Pole Vaulter.

“I’m afraid that with the slugs on your back, #34 will not work after all. You can’t lie back without squashing them. But not to worry, I am also fully certified for position #35.”

Ah, yes. The Ring-My-Bells.

“Are you familiar with it?” she purred.

“I’m the king of jingling.”

bonus points for using them in order

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I Stared at the Teeth in my Palm

by jenMandatory Festivity Alert! Each year during the thick of the winter holidays, we search out seasonally appropriate sources for our Stichomancy Writing Prompts. This year, we’ve chosen to pull random lines from that 1964 Rankin/Bass stop-motion classic, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Off we go to the North Pole!

  • I’d like to be a dentist.
  • better known as the North Pole
  • I’m cute! I’m cute! She said I’m cute!
  • square wheels on your caboose
  • you’ll go down in history

Tune in next time part 653      Click Here for Earlier Installments

I stared at the teeth in my palm. “I used to think I’d like to be a dentist.” I dropped the horrible little things into a vase on Dr Ferguson’s mantel. “Right now I’m happy I’m not.”

“Stop stalling and put on the uniform,” Dr Ferguson ordered. “My orders are to start our encounter with Position #34.”

Position #34 is better known as the North Pole Vaulter, and that at least meant she’d be doing most of the work. I doffed my makeshift toga and stepped into the awful, scratchy pants. My copious body hair protruded through the crochet holes in a very unappealing fashion.

“Well don’t you look cute?” Dr Ferguson tried to suppress a laugh.

I feigned enthusiasm. “I’m cute! I’m cute! She said I’m cute!”

“Stop bellyaching and choose your slug.” She handed me the tray and finally took her coat off. She was naked underneath. After folding her coat into a neat square, she turned and placed it on the coffee table, and I spotted an unexpected tattoo.

“What’s with those square wheels on your caboose?” I asked.

“They were a gift from Chartreuse’s brother Deuce.”

“Deuce Pamplemousse? The disco artist?”

She nodded. “That’s who the third slug is for.”

I froze, even though I was standing practically in the fire. Dr Ferguson erupted in laughter. “I’m just kidding. He’s only here musically.” She tapped her phone, and hidden speakers in the rafters started pumping out the driving disco beat of “Hop on My Caboose.”

“Then who is the third slug for?”

“You! One for me, two for you. After tonight you’ll go down in history as the first person to use two icicle slugs at the same time!” She snapped on a latex glove and scooped up a pair of clear gastropods. “Well, maybe not history, but in the organization’s files anyway.

bonus points for using them in order

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