{"id":9819,"date":"2023-12-18T08:42:44","date_gmt":"2023-12-18T13:42:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/?p=9819"},"modified":"2023-12-17T15:51:15","modified_gmt":"2023-12-17T20:51:15","slug":"such-close-proximity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/such-close-proximity\/","title":{"rendered":"Such Close Proximity"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-13\" src=\"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/j-avatar-e1443983489508.png\" alt=\"by jen\" width=\"81\" height=\"81\" \/>Embroider otters on all<\/li>\n<li>sucking gleefully our respective oranges<\/li>\n<li>slowly and most wickedly<\/li>\n<li>(please ignore the ears)<\/li>\n<li>who am I to dispute the research of the National Confectioners Association?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Tune in next time part 861 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/tune-in-next-time\/\">Click Here for Earlier Installments<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Such close proximity to Small Dennis&#8217;s sweaty naked butt made my eyes water. Back at the Academy, he&#8217;d joined my twin brother Jason in founding an experimental boy band. They&#8217;d been inexplicably popular, and soon one would hear <em>Embroider Otters on all<\/em> the school&#8217;s pirate radio stations. There was a choreographed dance for their biggest hit &#8220;We Be <em>Sucking Gleefully Our Respective Oranges<\/em>icles&#8221; in which they moved their limbs <em>slowly and most wickedly<\/em>, and I shuddered to imagine what it would be like if Small Dennis did that very dance here, right now, inside our shared horse costume.<\/p>\n<p>I tried to bring my thoughts back to the idea of exploiting the clowns&#8217; fear of lumberjacks to gain the upper hand, escape my predicament, and foil their nefarious banana-thieving plans.<\/p>\n<p>Titania chuckled evilly and said, &#8220;The easiest way to get him off the airship is to paint him like a clown.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ll get right on it,&#8221; BimBam said.<\/p>\n<p>I relaxed a little. If BimBam was the one to apply clown makeup to Big Dennis, that would delay the discovery that he was not me. That is, as long as he didn&#8217;t try to apply any makeup to Big Dennis&#8217;s ears <em>(please ignore the ears)<\/em>. My ears are quite distinctively small (please please ignore the ears) and the difference would surely give away my ruse (please please please ignore the ears). Tessa once told me about a study she&#8217;d seen that claimed most people&#8217;s ears are larger than Peanut Butter Cups. That sounds unlikely to me, but <em>who am I to dispute the research of the National Confectioners Association? <\/em>(In any case, please please please ignore Big Dennis&#8217;s ears!)<\/p>\n<p>I held my breath and listened to the squealchy sounds of an evil clown applying greasepaint to an unconscious man&#8217;s face. Would BimBam ignore the ears?<\/p>\n<p>bonus points for using them in order<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Stichomancy Writing Prompts\" href=\"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompts\/\">about stichomancy writing prompts<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompt-generator\/\">try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Embroider otters on all sucking gleefully our respective oranges slowly and most wickedly (please ignore the ears) who am I to dispute the research of the National Confectioners Association? Tune in next time part 861 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Click Here for Earlier Installments Such close proximity to Small Dennis&#8217;s sweaty naked butt made my eyes water. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[319,4],"tags":[91,142,403,486],"class_list":["post-9819","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stichomancy-prompts","category-writing-prompts","tag-bonus-points","tag-clown","tag-tune-in-next-time","tag-zeppelin"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9819","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9819"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9819\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9826,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9819\/revisions\/9826"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9819"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9819"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9819"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}