{"id":8491,"date":"2022-03-30T08:33:31","date_gmt":"2022-03-30T12:33:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/?p=8491"},"modified":"2022-03-29T19:45:48","modified_gmt":"2022-03-29T23:45:48","slug":"i-was-almost-positive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/i-was-almost-positive\/","title":{"rendered":"I Was Almost Positive"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-24\" src=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/k-avatar-e1443983846496.png\" alt=\"by Kent\" width=\"81\" height=\"81\" \/>call it \u201cgetting the twisties\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Big, beefy, never takes off the helmet.<\/li>\n<li>one of the gents<\/li>\n<li>Specifically, a chilled fork.<\/li>\n<li>slanderous biography<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Tune in next time part 682 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/tune-in-next-time\/\">Click Here for Earlier Installments<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I was almost positive it hadn&#8217;t been an Underduchess who slobbered on my fingers, but I didn&#8217;t see any nearby lambs or other baby livestock to take the blame. I wiped my hand on my pantleg, resolved to track down the furtive licker at a later time.<\/p>\n<p>For now, there was the immediate concern of how to deal with my panda-suited brother. We huddled together on the sofa, expecting Jim to dance his way over. Dance he did, but on a chaotic, spiraling course. The impaired visibility and limited oxygen offered by the panda head combined with the sheer bulk of the costume were creating a syndrome. Mascots <em>call it &#8220;getting the twisties&#8221;<\/em> and speak of it in hushed tones. Legend has it that the Jousting Emu of Soiux Falls succumbed so totally that he&#8217;s twisting to this day, somewhere in the wilderness, and travelers who encounter him always give the same account: &#8220;<em>Big, beefy, never takes off the helmet.<\/em> Spinning around in a crazy circles and knocking shit over everywhere.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>We realized that Jim might be putting the children in danger. N<em>one of the gents<\/em> employed at the petting zoo were on the scene, so it was up to Cleopatra, Esmerelda, and me.<\/p>\n<p>Esmerelda, being married to him, thought she had the best chance of bringing Jim&#8217;s gyrations under control. But you can&#8217;t simply seize someone with the twisties to halt them &#8212; you&#8217;ll be drawn into the madness yourself. I was too slow imparting my warning, and Esmerelda found herself clinging for dear life to the whirligigging blue beast.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I know what we need,&#8221; Cleopatra announced. &#8220;Cold silver. <em>Specifically, a chilled fork.<\/em> Run to the bistro above the print shop and hurry back with one!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>With a nod, I raced off on my mission. The only tricks I knew for dealing with Jim&#8217;s predicament had come from the <em>slanderous biography<\/em> of a mascot from a cricket team in far-northern Canada, so I had little faith in their efficacy.<\/p>\n<p>As I ran, I had to wipe my hand on my pants again. The salivary sniper had struck a second time.<\/p>\n<p>bonus points for using them in order<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Stichomancy Writing Prompts\" href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompts\/\">about stichomancy writing prompts<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompt-generator\/\">try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>call it \u201cgetting the twisties\u201d Big, beefy, never takes off the helmet. one of the gents Specifically, a chilled fork. slanderous biography Tune in next time part 682 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Click Here for Earlier Installments I was almost positive it hadn&#8217;t been an Underduchess who slobbered on my fingers, but I didn&#8217;t see any nearby [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[319,4],"tags":[91,306,403],"class_list":["post-8491","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stichomancy-prompts","category-writing-prompts","tag-bonus-points","tag-saliva","tag-tune-in-next-time"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8491","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8491"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8491\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8496,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8491\/revisions\/8496"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8491"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8491"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8491"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}