{"id":8417,"date":"2022-02-16T08:35:58","date_gmt":"2022-02-16T13:35:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/?p=8417"},"modified":"2022-02-15T20:43:42","modified_gmt":"2022-02-16T01:43:42","slug":"the-alchemist-threw-valentina","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/the-alchemist-threw-valentina\/","title":{"rendered":"The Alchemist Threw Valentina"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-24\" src=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/k-avatar-e1443983846496.png\" alt=\"by Kent\" width=\"81\" height=\"81\" \/>his itty bitty mustache<\/li>\n<li>about as plush and inviting as a youth hostel<\/li>\n<li>buy my ovum for $50,000<\/li>\n<li>you&#8217;ll start hearing it in your sleep<\/li>\n<li>what you might call \u201cgranola,\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Tune in next time part 670 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/tune-in-next-time\/\">Click Here for Earlier Installments<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The Alchemist threw Valentina a nervous look, then met my glance and held one finger up to <em>his itty bitty mustache<\/em>, which was <em>about as plush and inviting as a youth hostel<\/em>&#8216;s bath mat. The pantyhose interfered with my nasal functions too much for me to smell anything at all, but I started to suspect that my would-be rescuer might be giving off some kind of funk, and it was making Valentina suspicious.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Oh, this is my jam!&#8221; someone yelled out in the street. An unseen car&#8217;s stereo system suddenly pummeled the chalet with horribly distorted bass notes. Then a familiar voice joined the noise &#8212; my twin brother belting out the only wedding rap that he&#8217;d ever charted with.<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">She said let&#8217;s get hitched up by some dude with priestly collars,<br \/>\n&#8220;Less you wanna <em>buy my ovum for $50,000<\/em>!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Ugh,&#8221; cried Valentina. &#8220;Make them turn it down!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s the thing about any of Jason&#8217;s ditties. Let it play for ten seconds, and <em>you&#8217;ll start hearing it in your sleep<\/em>. The song kept blaring.<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">The cake is all made out of <em>what you might call &#8220;granola,&#8221;<\/em><br \/>\ncause you didn&#8217;t bribe the baker $50 like I told ya!<\/p>\n<p>bonus points for using them in order<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Stichomancy Writing Prompts\" href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompts\/\">about stichomancy writing prompts<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompt-generator\/\">try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>his itty bitty mustache about as plush and inviting as a youth hostel buy my ovum for $50,000 you&#8217;ll start hearing it in your sleep what you might call \u201cgranola,\u201d Tune in next time part 670 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Click Here for Earlier Installments The Alchemist threw Valentina a nervous look, then met my glance and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[319,4],"tags":[91,508,403],"class_list":["post-8417","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stichomancy-prompts","category-writing-prompts","tag-bonus-points","tag-rap","tag-tune-in-next-time"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8417","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8417"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8417\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8423,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8417\/revisions\/8423"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8417"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8417"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8417"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}