{"id":8142,"date":"2021-09-27T17:20:32","date_gmt":"2021-09-27T21:20:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/?p=8142"},"modified":"2021-09-27T17:20:32","modified_gmt":"2021-09-27T21:20:32","slug":"ive-had-too-much-champagne","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/ive-had-too-much-champagne\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;I&#8217;ve Had Too Much Champagne&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-13\" src=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/j-avatar-e1443983489508.png\" alt=\"by jen\" width=\"81\" height=\"81\" \/>\u201cYou have to pee?\u201d<\/li>\n<li>using an old-school latex puppet<\/li>\n<li>ideal for your most intimate moments<\/li>\n<li>wearing the couples\u2019 shoes while they slept<\/li>\n<li>party where I met Jim<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Tune in next time part 629 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/tune-in-next-time\/\">Click Here for Earlier Installments<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I&#8217;ve had too much champagne,&#8221; I told Hildegard. &#8220;And I&#8217;m about to burst.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><em>&#8220;You have to pee?&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>I nodded as I slid off the pudding-slicked bed, heading for the ensuite. Hildegard followed right behind me. Even after what we&#8217;d spent the past hours doing, this felt presumptuous of her. &#8220;Gimme some privacy,&#8221; I grumbled.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;But in Bumpengrynd, it&#8217;s customary for your wife to help you aim, <em>using an old-school latex puppet<\/em>, of course, for sanitary purposes.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I stopped and stared. Surely she couldn&#8217;t be serious.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;On a honeymoon, it&#8217;s<em> ideal for your most intimate moments<\/em> to be shared. It builds a deep connection.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I swatted the puppet out of her hand. &#8220;What about Chartreuse Pamplemousse? Isn&#8217;t he the one you really want to build an intimate connection with?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Obviously. But he&#8217;s not here. And anyway, things are different in a plural marriage. Only two members of a wedded throuple may sleep at the same time, while the third spouse confuses any eavesdroppers by <em>wearing the couples&#8217; shoes while they slept<\/em>.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;While they sleep.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s what I said.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I let it go. English wasn&#8217;t her first language. &#8220;I would prefer to pee alone, and since you and I aren&#8217;t actually married, I&#8217;m going to go ahead and do that.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Of course we&#8217;re married, much as we both might wish otherwise. The officiant signed the document, and if I learned anything at that <em>party where I met Jim<\/em>, it&#8217;s that you Americans are sticklers for official documents.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Wait,&#8221; I said. &#8220;You know Jim? My brother Jim?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>bonus points for using them in order<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Stichomancy Writing Prompts\" href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompts\/\">about stichomancy writing prompts<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompt-generator\/\">try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cYou have to pee?\u201d using an old-school latex puppet ideal for your most intimate moments wearing the couples\u2019 shoes while they slept party where I met Jim Tune in next time part 629 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Click Here for Earlier Installments &#8220;I&#8217;ve had too much champagne,&#8221; I told Hildegard. &#8220;And I&#8217;m about to burst.&#8221; &#8220;You have [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[319,4],"tags":[91,403,441],"class_list":["post-8142","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stichomancy-prompts","category-writing-prompts","tag-bonus-points","tag-tune-in-next-time","tag-wedding"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8142","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8142"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8142\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8143,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8142\/revisions\/8143"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8142"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8142"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8142"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}