{"id":6632,"date":"2019-07-15T08:33:58","date_gmt":"2019-07-15T12:33:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/?p=6632"},"modified":"2019-07-13T16:23:49","modified_gmt":"2019-07-13T20:23:49","slug":"i-didnt-have-time-for-any-rap-battles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/i-didnt-have-time-for-any-rap-battles\/","title":{"rendered":"I Didn&#8217;t Have Time for Any Rap Battles"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-13\" src=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/j-avatar-e1443983489508.png\" alt=\"by jen\" width=\"81\" height=\"81\" \/>without an inflatable octopus<\/li>\n<li>raised a single finger and<\/li>\n<li>pregnant with her first child<\/li>\n<li>, along with my underpants.<\/li>\n<li>except when it suited him to be Russian<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Tune in next time part 405 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/tune-in-next-time\/\">Click Here for Earlier Installments<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I didn&#8217;t have time for any rap battles. I needed to know what my brother Jim was up to. With a sad shake of my head I said, &#8220;I&#8217;m afraid I can&#8217;t perform <em>without an inflatable octopus<\/em>. It&#8217;s in my contract.&#8221; I <em>raised a single finger<\/em> and mimed signing the important paper.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;We&#8217;re not asking you to rhyme,&#8221; the giant Mingus puppet said. &#8220;At least not right now. I thought our message to you was clear. The star charts all indicate that today is the best day for Tatiana to become <em>pregnant with her first child<\/em>, and that you are the only suitable candidate.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Not this again! Before I could even voice my protest, Tatiana yanked down my General trousers<em>, along with my underpants.<\/em> &#8220;You said we could use your crystal throne for this,&#8221; she said to the Mints.<\/p>\n<p>Myndilynn gave a coy nod.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Just a second,&#8221; I said, dropping the lisp. &#8220;There&#8217;s something you should know.&#8221; I reached for my pants.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s not Jason,&#8221; Mingus said, as Myndilynn gave her head a sultry shake.<\/p>\n<p>Tatiana looked me up and down. &#8220;If the star charts don&#8217;t mind, neither do I.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>John strode out from behind the crystal throne, consulting a large sheet of parchment. I should have known he&#8217;d be involved in this. He&#8217;s always been super into astrology, <em>except when it suited him to be Russian <\/em>Orthodox to keep himself in his grandfather&#8217;s will.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;The times of their birth are within the same 10 minute window,&#8221; he said. &#8220;The stars will allow the substitution.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>bonus points for using them in order<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Stichomancy Writing Prompts\" href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompts\/\">about stichomancy writing prompts<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompt-generator\/\">try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>without an inflatable octopus raised a single finger and pregnant with her first child , along with my underpants. except when it suited him to be Russian Tune in next time part 405 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Click Here for Earlier Installments I didn&#8217;t have time for any rap battles. I needed to know what my brother [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[319,4],"tags":[91,112,190,403],"class_list":["post-6632","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stichomancy-prompts","category-writing-prompts","tag-bonus-points","tag-mime","tag-puppet","tag-tune-in-next-time"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6632","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6632"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6632\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6636,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6632\/revisions\/6636"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6632"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6632"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6632"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}