{"id":3952,"date":"2016-08-15T08:19:37","date_gmt":"2016-08-15T12:19:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.skelleyverse.com\/?p=3952"},"modified":"2016-11-09T17:17:15","modified_gmt":"2016-11-09T22:17:15","slug":"fleurs-kissy-fingers-routine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/fleurs-kissy-fingers-routine\/","title":{"rendered":"Fleur&#8217;s Kissy-Fingers Routine"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-13\" src=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/j-avatar-e1443983489508.png\" alt=\"by jen\" width=\"81\" height=\"81\" \/>so odd and alarming<\/li>\n<li>and tell them to be punctual<\/li>\n<li>on their faces and chests<\/li>\n<li>The pet shop owner\u2019s brother was lying<\/li>\n<li>Even if you have a razor-sharp ax<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Tune in next time part 101<\/strong><b>\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <\/b><a href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/tune-in-next-time\/\">Click Here for Earlier Installments<\/a><\/p>\n<p>Fleur&#8217;s kissy-fingers routine was <em>so odd and alarming<\/em> that at first I did not respond. She glared at me and kept up the smoochy noises until I finally pursed my own lips and kissed her thumb.<\/p>\n<p>She nodded once in approval, then popped a gummy baby in her own mouth and sat behind me on the marble steps while I caught my breath.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;So you&#8217;re really pregnant?&#8221; I asked.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Yes,&#8221; my wife replied. &#8220;I&#8217;ve known for a few days. I think it&#8217;s going to be twins, since they run in your family.&#8221; She grabbed my collar and hauled me onto my knees, then shoved my face up next to her stomach. &#8220;Say hello to your children, the future rulers of Contraria, <em>and tell them to be punctual<\/em>.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>She held me in place until I mumbled platitudes into her abdomen. Once she released me, I said, &#8220;You&#8217;ve known for days? That means we could have gotten a lot more sleep!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Fleur laughed at me. &#8220;Get used to being tired. When our babies are born it will fall to you to make sure they have smiles <em>on their faces and chests<\/em> full of joy.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t you use nannies?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Of course not, silly man. That&#8217;s what husbands\u00a0are for.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I thought back to my wedding to Fleur. At the rehearsal dinner the pet shop owner and his\u00a0brother regaled me with tales of their sister&#8217;s\u00a0work as a nanny for the Contrarian royals (it is considered good luck in Contraria to have a pet shop owner at your wedding). <em>The pet shop owner&#8217;s brother was lying<\/em> then, along with his brother, or my own wife was lying now. I hoped the liar was my wife, because I really had no desire to spend the next several years of my life in Contraria caring for children, even my own.<\/p>\n<p>The warlord strode up, beaming with pride. &#8220;This child you two have created will bind Contraria and the US forever!&#8221; he boomed. &#8220;There will be no severing of the ties between our countries. <em>Even if you have a razor-sharp ax<\/em>.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;It&#8217;s twins, Daddy.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Twins!&#8221; The warlord&#8217;s eyes grew wide. &#8220;If that&#8217;s true then that fulfills the prophecy!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>bonus points for using them in order<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Stichomancy Writing Prompts\" href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompts\/\">about stichomancy writing prompts<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompt-generator\/\">try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>so odd and alarming and tell them to be punctual on their faces and chests The pet shop owner\u2019s brother was lying Even if you have a razor-sharp ax Tune in next time part 101\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Click Here for Earlier Installments Fleur&#8217;s kissy-fingers [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[319,4],"tags":[450,91,449,71,403],"class_list":["post-3952","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stichomancy-prompts","category-writing-prompts","tag-ax","tag-bonus-points","tag-pregnant","tag-spouse","tag-tune-in-next-time"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3952","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3952"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3952\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4361,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3952\/revisions\/4361"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3952"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3952"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3952"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}