{"id":2921,"date":"2015-06-03T08:11:06","date_gmt":"2015-06-03T12:11:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.skelleyverse.com\/?p=2921"},"modified":"2015-06-04T22:07:45","modified_gmt":"2015-06-05T02:07:45","slug":"to-the-cocky-princeton-freshman","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/to-the-cocky-princeton-freshman\/","title":{"rendered":"To The Cocky Princeton Freshman"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-24\" src=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/k-avatar.png\" alt=\"k-avatar\" width=\"81\" height=\"81\" \/>(What we deem offensive is probably about what you&#8217;d expect)<\/li>\n<li>cocky Princeton freshman<\/li>\n<li>instill fetishes in human beings<\/li>\n<li>the police force in Prefrontal, Nebraska<\/li>\n<li>she says, &#8220;Open up your mouth, man.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>To the <em>cocky Princeton freshman she says, &#8220;Open up your mouth, man.&#8221;<\/em> He does. &#8220;Shut your eyes.&#8221; He does. The waitress\u00a0was holding a can of whipped cream the whole time, so his cooperation was understandable. Of course, he&#8217;d been hitting on her relentlessly for an hour, so it was also understandable that she crammed his &#8220;generous&#8221; tip into his ignorant maw and then sprayed him in the puss with the whipped cream while he spat out nickels.<\/p>\n<p>The ensuing disturbance at Tipsy&#8217;s Diner was not the sort of event that <em>the police force in Prefrontal, Nebraska<\/em> was really prepared to deal with. They overreacted a tad, storming the place in full SWAT getup and arresting everybody they didn&#8217;t recognize as a local.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, being a frosh, this cocky twerp had never been in cuffs before. In the back of the van he discovered that he liked it, which would eventually inspire his master&#8217;s thesis on factors which\u00a0<em>instill fetishes in human beings.<\/em> Which was what got him kicked out of Princeton. His advisor wrote, &#8220;This offensive paper made our chihuahuas retch. <em>(What we deem offensive is probably about what you&#8217;d expect)<\/em>&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>So, yeah, I knew him before he was a supervillain.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(What we deem offensive is probably about what you&#8217;d expect) cocky Princeton freshman instill fetishes in human beings the police force in Prefrontal, Nebraska she says, &#8220;Open up your mouth, man.&#8221; To the cocky Princeton freshman she says, &#8220;Open up your mouth, man.&#8221; He does. &#8220;Shut your eyes.&#8221; He does. The waitress\u00a0was holding a can [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[342,201],"class_list":["post-2921","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writing-prompts","tag-food","tag-money"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2921","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2921"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2921\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2957,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2921\/revisions\/2957"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2921"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2921"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2921"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}