{"id":1476,"date":"2013-10-23T08:41:53","date_gmt":"2013-10-23T12:41:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.skelleyverse.com\/?p=1476"},"modified":"2014-01-04T20:39:37","modified_gmt":"2014-01-05T01:39:37","slug":"my-left-lung-contains-compressed-natural-gas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/my-left-lung-contains-compressed-natural-gas\/","title":{"rendered":"My Left Lung Contains Compressed Natural Gas"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright  wp-image-24\" alt=\"k-avatar\" src=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/k-avatar.png\" width=\"81\" height=\"81\" \/>My left lung<\/span><\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Doc! Moose!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>and her pet Arthur<\/li>\n<li>unfamiliar with &#8220;flipping the bird&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Puerto Rico meant nothing to her<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Survival of the fittest,&#8221; she hissed<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Far worse, Uncle Kent,&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-size: medium;\"><span style=\"line-height: 24px;\"><em>My left lung<\/em> contains compressed natural gas, which gives me a formidable weapon but impairs my stamina. My partner&#8217;s toenails can generate an electromagnetic pulse, making her a threat to sensitive electronics and augmenting her tap dancing.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><em>&#8220;Doc! Moose!&#8221;<\/em> That had to be Biff, counteragent and general numbskull, calling for his associates. We were in danger.<\/p>\n<p>My partner rounded a corner in the warehouse and stopped short, confronted by all three of our enemies. I peered past her to see the men&#8217;s disappointed faces as they discovered she was <em>unfamiliar with &#8220;flipping the bird.&#8221;<\/em> Suddenly she leapt aside, and the bullets struck me instead. Moments later she returned fire, dispatching her clueless adversaries.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Wait,&#8221; I groaned as she started to leave.<\/p>\n<p><em>&#8220;Survival of the fittest,&#8221; she hissed<\/em>. <em>Puerto Rico meant nothing to her<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>The gunshots had embedded harmlessly in the kevlar envelope surrounding my left lung, but I was woozy. I just needed a hand up, but she was abandoning me for dead. So I flicked my lighter and exhaled forcefully, roasting her where she stood.<\/p>\n<p>Her, <em>and her pet Arthur<\/em> the Mouse who always rode in her pocket.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Can this day get any worse?&#8221; I muttered.<\/p>\n<p><em>&#8220;Far worse, Uncle Kent,&#8221;<\/em> came my evil nephew&#8217;s chilling retort.<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Stichomancy Writing Prompts\" href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompts\/\">about stichomancy writing prompts<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompt-generator\/\">try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My left lung &#8220;Doc! Moose!&#8221; and her pet Arthur unfamiliar with &#8220;flipping the bird&#8221; Puerto Rico meant nothing to her &#8220;Survival of the fittest,&#8221; she hissed &#8220;Far worse, Uncle Kent,&#8221; My left lung contains compressed natural gas, which gives me a formidable weapon but impairs my stamina. My partner&#8217;s toenails can generate an electromagnetic pulse, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[319,4],"tags":[232,256,271,172,344],"class_list":["post-1476","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stichomancy-prompts","category-writing-prompts","tag-mouse","tag-nephew","tag-scifi","tag-spy","tag-uncle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1476","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1476"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1476\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2003,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1476\/revisions\/2003"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1476"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1476"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1476"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}