{"id":10016,"date":"2024-04-03T08:33:56","date_gmt":"2024-04-03T12:33:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/?p=10016"},"modified":"2024-04-07T16:58:36","modified_gmt":"2024-04-07T20:58:36","slug":"he-better-be-dead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/he-better-be-dead\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;He Better Be Dead&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-24\" src=\"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/06\/k-avatar-e1443983846496.png\" alt=\"by Kent\" width=\"81\" height=\"81\" \/>Scandinavian alternate universe versions<\/li>\n<li>built like a brick catastrophe<\/li>\n<li>sly, evil smile<\/li>\n<li>tap-dancing, yodeling, you name it!<\/li>\n<li>\u201cThose pleated pants aren\u2019t super flattering.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Tune in next time part 890 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/tune-in-next-time\/\">Click Here for Earlier Installments<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&#8220;He better be dead,&#8221; Fleur said, still in that same sing-song voice she&#8217;d decided was the best way to communicate with me. She leaned way over the bar to address the supine bartender. &#8220;Otherwise he&#8217;ll need a good flogging for lying down on the job. But Gulliver knows that, doesn&#8217;t he?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>The fragrant bubbles in my brain were beginning to pop, each one releasing a strange thought. One of those thoughts was that there must be <em>Scandinavian alternate universe versions<\/em> of Gulliver&#8217;s Travels where the tiny people glue him down with frozen piss. I doubted that it would suffice to restrain this Gulliver, though. He was <em>built like a brick catastrophe<\/em>, lumpen but in a powerful way. The smurf mask&#8217;s expression seemed to change as I stared at it, the grin evolving into a <em>sly, evil smile<\/em>. Was it not a mask after all? Or was my over-nogged noggin making me see things?<\/p>\n<p>Fleur announced, &#8220;Time for us to leave. We&#8217;re awaited in steerage.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I was sure I&#8217;d misheard her. &#8220;You&#8217;d never willingly go down there.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;That&#8217;s what you think. They have the best parties. There&#8217;s always bullriding, <em>tap-dancing, yodeling, you name it!<\/em>&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>At the mention of yodeling, another bubble popped in my brain, making me wonder if Yolanda might be there. To my horror, I heard myself ask my wife, &#8220;Will Yolanda be there?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Fleur shot me a sharp look, but she didn&#8217;t seem irate. She said, &#8220;Probably, which means you&#8217;ll probably want to stop off along the way for something else to wear.&#8221; She tsked. <em>&#8220;Those pleated pants aren&#8217;t super flattering.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>bonus points for using them in order<\/p>\n<p><a title=\"Stichomancy Writing Prompts\" href=\"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompts\/\">about stichomancy writing prompts<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/stichomancy-writing-prompt-generator\/\">try our stichomancy writing prompt generator!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Scandinavian alternate universe versions built like a brick catastrophe sly, evil smile tap-dancing, yodeling, you name it! \u201cThose pleated pants aren\u2019t super flattering.\u201d Tune in next time part 890 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Click Here for Earlier Installments &#8220;He better be dead,&#8221; Fleur said, still in that same sing-song voice she&#8217;d decided was the best way to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[319,4],"tags":[91,403],"class_list":["post-10016","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stichomancy-prompts","category-writing-prompts","tag-bonus-points","tag-tune-in-next-time"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10016","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10016"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10016\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10034,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10016\/revisions\/10034"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10016"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10016"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/runeskelley.com\/skelleyverse\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10016"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}