The Phony Mustache Portion of the Phony Beard

  • by Kentwhen she found out that he was married
  • I don’t want to smell good
  • duties loomed particularly large
  • the palm-reading psychic
  • into a state of partial suffocation

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The phony mustache portion of the phony beard blocked Svetlana’s nostrils, and between yelled insults she sucked the actual beard portion into her mouth, buying me a moment to think while she gagged herself into a state of partial suffocation. I wondered if her deception of Thor required specific acts of chicanery, like when she bribed the palm-reading psychic on the boardwalk to lie to her mother about when graduation was that year.

“Hey,” I said, “Thor needs your help. The militant vegetarians have captured him aboard the presidential airship.” Unless they’ve killed him already, I added inwardly. If so, then Freya’s decoy duties loomed particularly large in the future. “They’ll try to force a repeal of the Ground Chuck Act, and who knows how far they’re willing to push things. I don’t want to smell good food on the grill and wonder if it’s the president.”

“Okay, okay,” Svetlana huffed. “I’ll help you rescue your silly brother, since he is the official father of our child.” I nodded, wondering how her attitude about Thor was going to change when she found out that he was married.

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