The Car with the Offensive Stereo
quintuple elbows- if I may be so bold
- against her palms
- they take their shoes off
- still shrieking at her husband
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The car with the offensive stereo pulled up at the curb, bass notes so ferocious they shattered all the chalet’s windows. In the ensuing chaos, I worked to free myself from the straps holding me to the gurney. You know how some people are double-jointed? Well, I have quintuple elbows.
As soon as my feet hit the snow, I dashed toward the street. Who cared if I was naked apart from the pantyhose on my head? I had to get away.
The limo, for that’s what was making all the noise, had speakers mounted all over the exterior. I zigged to the right to go behind it, hands clamped over my ears. The chauffeur stepped out wearing enormous noise-canceling headphones, and snagged me by the hosiery. With his other hand he opened the back door, then he tossed me inside and slammed it closed.
Inside the limo was blessedly quiet, although I could still feel Jason’s throbbing music in my bones. A female voice said, “If I may be so bold,” and suddenly the nylon sheath was removed from my head. I could see clearly! And what I saw was my wife, Fleur. She held my face in her hands to stare at me, my cheeks hot and clammy against her palms.
“Fleur!” I didn’t know what to say. So much had happened in the past few days that would infuriate any wife. Any normal wife, anyway.
“You know what most civilized people do when getting into a limousine?” Fleur huffed. “They take their shoes off.”
My feet, along with the rest of me, were bare. Fleur pinched her nostrils closed. “You reek of butterscotch pudding and icicle slugs. The first thing we’ll do once we board the zeppelin is toss you in the shower.”
She pushed a button and told the chauffeur to drive, and just like that I made my escape from the reality TV ghouls, the creepy Alchemist, and Valentina — still shrieking at her husband in the ceiling about whatever odd thing she smelled.
bonus points for using them in order