Tagged: seduction

My Stomach Growled Like the Bear I was Chasing

  • by jensmear it on the underside
  • as enjoyable as possible for both of us
  • I learned ‘Very Social’ = Unabashedly Enthusiastic Swingers into BDSM.
  • I was completely naïve
  • Will your mom be cool with that?

Tune in next time part 517      Click Here for Earlier Installments

My stomach growled like the bear I was chasing. While the chef was distracted by a tray of tater tots, I snatched up a slice of bread. A few feet along the buffet table I found butter, and a knife with which to smear it on the underside of the bread — a trick I’d learned at the Academy.

Munching my snack, I trotted through the garden in search of Marnie Glockenspiel and her ursine companion. As I neared another turning in the hedge maze, I heard voices coming through the vegetation. I paused to listen. To my shock I recognized both voices. One was Marnie, the other Heinrich Hunter. And then a third voice. Svetlana, the contortionist who traveled the world hidden inside Heinrich’s shirt.

Svetlana, mother of my quadruplet sons, said, “There’s plenty of room in here, Marnie, and I promise to make it as enjoyable as possible for both of us. You’ll love it. We’re very social.”

I dropped to the ground and peered underneath the bushes. Heinrich was sitting on the ground, having shed the top half of his bear suit to expose Svetlana. Svetlana was working hard to convince Marnie to join her inside Heinrich’s clothes. While they talked I learned ‘Very Social’ = Unabashedly Enthusiastic Swingers into BDSM. Before overhearing this sordid negotiation I would not have thought I was completely naïve, but all I could think was “Will your mom be cool with that?”

I mean, my mom probably would be, but most moms wouldn’t.

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“Ahem,” Brady Said Again

  • by jenhere’s the deal, Marnie
  • throwing himself passionately on his knees before her
  • in a way that isn’t platonic
  • with each passing day
  • music upon the air

Tune in next time part 513      Click Here for Earlier Installments

“Ahem,” Brady said again. “Nurse Marnie. Ahem.” When she continued to ignore him and pretend to kiss me, he said, “Here’s the deal, Marnie. I need you to stop kissing Dr Thunderboom. We have a meeting.”

“Marnie!” cried Kabbadan Scrim. “Marnie Glockenspiel! I haven’t seen you since you left the Paradiddle Tap Academy!”

Marnie whispered, “Help me. He’s obsessed,” before turning to face Scrim.

The head of the League of Tap Dancers got a rapturous look on his face, and did something that resembled throwing himself passionately on his knees before her, but since his knees didn’t bend he wound up on the floor in a way that isn’t platonic, supporting himself on his hands like a trained seal. Even from behind I could see Marnie cringe.

“I worried more and more with each passing day that you didn’t return to Paradiddle,” Scrim whined. “You and I had something together, something special, something that was like music upon the air, and I knew that you would never simply shuffle-ball-change away from it. Away from us. And now I’ve found you! At long last!” He bellycrawled forward to the edge of the fountain. “What on Earth is that dastardly weathermonger doing to you!”

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My Yodeler Companion Looked at Me Askance

  • by jencreep to his side unseen
  • give their marriage a second chance
  • I suppose it’s very nice
  • their Dresden-china type of prettiness
  • Who’s jealous?

Tune in next time part 425      Click Here for Earlier Installments

My Yodeler companion looked at me askance. “I don’t know how it is in the military of your backwards country, but Contrarian Generals are expected to be skilled oneiromancers. How else will they plan effective battle strategies? The subconscious is like a man, a man who speaks through dreams, and a Contrarian General knows how to creep to his side unseen and eavesdrop, thereby gaining valuable knowledge.”

That explained an awful lot about Contrarian military strategy.

“I’ll read up on the topic before we land,” I said. “Are there any messages for me? Something from my wife perhaps?” I wanted to know if my trip to the Paradoxica Region was a permanent exile.

“Indeed there is, General. Shall I deliver it?”

I nodded.

She stood up straight and clasped her hands together in front of her chest, then began to yodel. It was very loud, and I took a step backwards. Instead of the standard nonsense syllables, her ululations contained words. “General, I hope this message finds you well. The children are all roly-poly and adorable, but not as roly-poly as Isolde. Her pregnancy progresses apace. The soothsayer is sure that she’s carrying triplets at least, possibly more. Isolde and Harry have gone into counseling to give their marriage a second chance. Harry’s such a jealous tit about the whole proxy marriage. Most women would not tolerate his childish behavior. I suppose it’s very nice for him that Isolde is crazy about him. Assuming that Enigma Fortress has not been carried away by an avalanche I will visit you there when it’s time to conceive our next children.” The yodeler fell silent, her final words echoing around the gondola for a few seconds.

“Any other messages?” I was hoping for orders of some kind, an idea of my mission.

“That’s all,” said the Yodeler. She sighed. “Your wife and her sisters are all so beautiful, with their Dresden-china type of prettiness. And you’re so ruggedly handsome.”

“It sounds like you’re jealous.” She had no reason to be, as she was quite a looker.

“Who’s jealous?” She stepped closer and murmured in my ear, “Your wife may be beautiful, but she’s not here on this zeppelin, and I am.”

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If I Went Back the Way I’d Come

  • by jensitting there, all puckered up
  • there was this guy there
  • surreptitiously unbutton the top of your shirt
  • It was implied.
  • “Truly.”

Tune in next time part 201                           Click Here for Earlier Installments

If I went back the way I’d come I’d end up in the rocket surgery with Jim, the Professor’s girlfriend, and the remains of poor Absinthia. I hated the thought of seeing her sitting there, all puckered up and bloody, so I began to search for another exit. There were no other visible doors, but perhaps there was a hidden passageway. I ran my hands along the walls, feeling for seams, and eavesdropping on Jim’s conversation.

“But who was that guy?” asked a feminine voice, probably the Professor’s one-legged girlfriend.

“What guy?” drawled Jim.

“When I got here with the ransom note, there was this guy there with your sisters!” the woman said. “I saw him!”

“I didn’t see a guy,” Jim lied. Whatever his reasons for lying, he was doing me a favor. I kept up my search. Maybe he was in on the Professor’s kidnapping.

“Don’t you surreptitiously unbutton the top of your shirt at me, Jim,” the woman said. “I’m not going to be distracted by your muscles and all of your sexy chest hair. You can’t seduce your way out of this one.”

“Who says I’m trying to seduce you?” Jim purred.

“It was implied. By the striptease. And by the way you’ve got your hands on my hips now.” She sounded distracted.

“I’d never use sex as a distraction,” Jim said. “Truly.”

I heard kissing noises.

Just then my fingers found a hidden button near the top of the wall, which, when pressed, caused a panel to slide open, revealing a fire pole. The problem was I was standing at the base of it. I peered up into the darkness above, trying to gauge how high it was and whether I had the strength to climb it.

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I Stand in the Rain

  • by jencan’t you hear the thunder?
  • “You shut up!”
  • one gold, one black
  • brown skin and a flat skull
  • Leonard is a strange person

I stand in the rain, gazing at the man beside me. Leonard is a strange person, but undeniably attractive. His eyes entrance me, one gold, one black, nestled in brown skin and a flat skull like faberge eggs in an ornate display case.

I try to tell him I love him, but he leans in close. “Can’t you hear the thunder?” he whispers in my ear, making me shiver. “That rumbling is Zeus’s way of saying ‘You shut up!’ to us mortals.”

I try once more to speak. Leonard’s ornately colored eyes hold mine and he lays his finger across my lips. “Shhh,” he breathes, “you don’t want to anger Zeus.”

And he’s right. I don’t. I lean in and press my lips to his just as a bright bolt of lightning illuminates the sky.

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I Couldn’t Help Laughing at Chet

  • by jenhe was a full-grown man
  • tiny clothes that actually fit
  • drew a revolver from his belt
  • you rang the eskimo
  • here at your request

I couldn’t help laughing at Chet. He was a full-grown man wearing a cowboy costume, tiny clothes that actually fit his adolescent brother better than they did him. Chet drew a revolver from his belt (a toy, I hoped) and aimed it at me. “You rang the eskimo‘s private number, LuAnne. You’re the one who ordered up a gigolo. You’re the one who specifically requested chaps and a stetson. I’m here at your request, and I’ll thank you to stop laughing at me.”

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Hendrick Loved Indulging

  • smiling slightly as he spoke
    k-avatar
  • gloomily grand and savagely vexed
  • and then later, we swooned
  • shower of fragments and woodlice and decay
  • indulging in the luxury

Hendrick loved indulging in the luxury of genuine materials, smiling slightly as he spoke of how authenticity had often led him to unexpected stimulation, like the gloomily grand and savagely vexed old half-timber cottage he bought sight-unseen, only to have the roof fall in on him in a shower of fragments and woodlice and decay the first night he slept there, him without me, that part of the memory dimming his smile and prompting me to guide him to the divan where we spooned, and then later, we swooned.

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Chauncey Knew

  • by jena great deal of reviewing
  • He got down with raised eyebrows.
  • she did not respond to him in a favorable way
  • for no special reason
  • proximity to money and power

Chauncey knew the way to win Myrtle’s heart was by winning the dance-off at the senior prom. After a great deal of reviewing how-to videos on YouTube and practicing in front of the mirror, he was ready. Chauncey’s rental tuxedo was a stunning combination of white and gold that some people inexplicably saw as blue and black. At the country club he stood in line with all of the other hopefuls. The music started. He got down with raised eyebrows. Despite his sick dance moves and the soulful expressions he threw at Myrtle, she did not respond to him in a favorable way. Neither did the judges. They awarded the trophy to Mike Phillips for no special reason that Chauncey could see, except for the fact that Mike Phillips’s mother was a senator and the judges were all blinded by his proximity to money and power. But not Myrtle. She left the prom the way she arrived, surrounded by a group of indifferent girls dressed all in black.

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Our Ship Rocked and Pitched

  • k-avatarour mole-eyed contemporary
  • is best read in complete silence
  • pushed the throttles to full power
  • under the influence of the impending storm
  • we showed you how to be a gynecologist

Our ship rocked and pitched under the influence of the impending storm as our captain pushed the throttles to full power just to hold position and I handed the dinner menu to our mole-eyed contemporary who squinted and mumbled (although a list of entrees is best read in complete silence, as anyone with any manners should know) and you blushed and squirmed as we showed you how to be a gynecologist, if you know what we mean.

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“How Much Do You Drink?” She Asked.

  • by jenHow much do you drink?
  • on the Indonesian island of Flores
  • looks pretty cute in his mugshot
  • vital, sunburnt, carefree
  • dazed but not seriously injured

“How much do you drink?” she asked.

“Like I’m on vacation on the Indonesian island of Flores,” he assured.

She eyed him with a smirk. “You look like a guy who looks pretty cute in his mugshot: vital, sunburnt, carefree. Like the bar fight you were arrested for left you dazed but not seriously injured.”

He shrugged and she admired his lazy smile. “But in any case, you have the right to remain silent.” She cuffed his wrists together behind his back. “I’ll have to ask the booking officer if I can have a copy of your mugshot to see if I’m right.”

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