Tagged: money

“Even Backdating the Transaction”

  • k-avatarI thought he was taunting me
  • by altering their hormones?
  • the day before Liza’s 44th birthday
  • she blushed
  • costs him $9 million
  • assuming he stays in Middlesex County
  • backdating the transaction
  • a shy 13-year-old boy stood no chance

“Even backdating the transaction, this costs him $9 million, assuming he stays in Middlesex County.”

Such shop-talk, the day before Liza’s 44th birthday, embarrassed her. She blushed. A shy 13-year-old boy stood no chance. Jimmy cried out and fled the opulent room in terror, almost toppling the globe-shaped liquor cabinet.

“Jonathan, look what your boorish wind has done.” Liza shook her finger at the lanky accountant.

“I thought he was taunting me,” Jonathan murmured.

Could teenagers be made more tractable by altering their hormones?

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David Attended the Auction at Christie’s

  • by jenfrom faraway Ethiopia or India
  • nearly a hundred
  • squeezed between so many
  • dazzlingly clear and exquisitely polished
  • I saw this scarecrow
  • Well, David, there you have it

David attended the auction at Christie’s hoping to find an unusual anniversary present for his wife, Cherí. He was despairing of finding something suitable until he overheard a man in the crowd say, “I saw this scarecrow over by the medieval stuff.”

Cherí had grown up in Paris, but had always harbored dreams of a more pastoral existence. A scarecrow could be just the thing. David scurried to the far corner of the auction house and there, squeezed between so many suits of armor, he saw the most stunning of all scarecrows. Its eyes were blue, dazzlingly clear and exquisitely polished, like jewels from faraway Ethiopia or India.

“Well, David, there you have it,” he murmured. “The perfect gift for Cherí.”

He knew he could afford to spend nearly a hundred thousand dollars on it, and hoped the bidding wouldn’t run wild.

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Maxine Stared Longingly

  • by jenbe a hard bargainer!
  • that’s where all the Greek gods live
  • like a spinning mouse
  • began to pick the dust and rocks off them
  • on her knees before me
  • but also a pathological walking delusion

Maxine stared longingly at the fraternity house and said, “That’s where all the Greek gods live.” She was on her knees before me, so I told her to stand. Her pants were covered with road dirt and she began to pick the dust and rocks off them, her hands darting about like a spinning mouse.

Maxine had a neatness obsession, but also a pathological walking delusion which made it impossible for her to go anywhere alone. I am her paid companion. I earn a good salary and even have health insurance. My advice to anyone negotiating an employment contract is be a hard bargainer!

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No Matter What You May Be Thinking

  • eby jenffluvia on his desk
  • robes of office
  • dark bulk
  • “Mom! Mom!” he cried
  • everyone is offering him money
  • a story about prostitution
  • a late snack
  • waverings and backslidings

No matter what you may be thinking, this is not a story about prostitution, full of waverings and backslidings of the moral variety, but ultimately ending with redemption for the hooker with the heart of gold. This is a different sort of story altogether – although it is about prostitution. It is less like a smorgasbord of character development, deep, timeless themes, and witty prose, and more like a late snack of pure porn.

The judge stands in the shadowy corner of his chambers, his robes of office rendering him a mere dark bulk to Effluvia’s eyes. She knows everyone is offering him money to rule in their favor, but Effluvia doesn’t have much money. So she is offering him her body.

He stands in the corner, staring at the reclining Effluvia on his desk, nude and legs akimbo.

“Mom! Mom!” he cried, suddenly recognizing her.

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Dear Diary

  • by jena more than brotherly kiss
  • chewed my lips nervously
  • the real moneymaker
  • Let’s say “funny”
  • if it really is shiny
  • gives me that slimy smile of his
  • I had tripped over a face

Dear Diary,

I love it when Devlin gets an idea and gives me that slimy smile of his. He’s the real moneymaker in the family and his ideas invariably lead to more riches. Mine are less reliable, as we both know. Remember the time I had that grave-robbing scheme that nearly got both my darling brother and myself buried alive, because I had tripped over a face in the crypt and knocked over the support column? I’m not sure how to refer to that. Let’s say “funny” instead of stupid.

This morning Devlin gave me a more than brotherly kiss, then lingered and chewed my lips nervously. He’s worried about his aura again, and what he’ll do if it really is shiny yellow like the Old Gypsy Woman says.

But I’m not worried. Devlin’s aura is still a black hole.

Love, Minerva

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This Full Moon

  • by jenthis full moon
  • the pasta
  • north van
  • terms of debt
  • mountain of old

“This full moon, the pasta, the wine! It’s so romantic!” cried Felicia.

Phil led her next down North Van Houton Street to a bakery. In the alley out back they found a mountain of old donuts, and dug in.

“I know it’s not a second honeymoon in Paris,” said Phil, “but in terms of debt management, it’s a winner.”

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Fin Stared at the “Stereotype Questionnaire”

  • by jencrucifix
  • stereotype questionnaire
  • drugs
  • pose
  • independently

Fin stared at the “stereotype questionnaire.” Was it worth it to fill the whole damn thing out, all 6 pages, for $25? He sighed. He needed the money.

#7 “What traits do you associate with women who use drugs? Check all that apply. Please work independently.”

Fuck it.

Being careful to stay within the ovals, Fin filled out his answer sheet so that the colored dots formed a rudimentary crucifix, with Jesus in a less-than-dignified pose.

He spent the next half hour napping, then handed in his papers and collected his cash.

Next stop: liquor store.

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Claudia Thanked the Semiskilled Employee

  • k-avatarthirty-sixth
  • thanked
  • semiskilled
  • avenged

Claudia thanked the semiskilled employee as her thirty-sixth and final item traversed the scanner and made its way down to the steel-clad staging area for conveyance into a sack, her choice of wood-pulp or petrochemical composition, and surrendered the necessary currency to atone for all these items’ removal from the shelves, and wondered if her inner smile showed at all as she produced also that instrument of rebate, a coupon rare and wondrous that would regain her all the money and more from this accursed edifice, this store that had hardened her soul and rounded her back. Yes, at last she would be avenged.

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Felicity Learned

  • by jenencountered
  • first impressions
  • savvy
  • fulfilling

Felicity learned, years later, and after much heartbreak and broken promises, not to mention a sullied reputation and a destroyed credit rating, that she should have trusted her first impressions when she initially encountered the savvy Arch-Duke of Kiev, and not rushed headlong into fulfilling her girlish fantasies.

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Dave Could Not Believe

  • a chorus of raspberries
  • gimme!
  • groped for buttons on the underside
  • hollow-eyed and pale
  • spread-eagle on the hood of the patrol cruiser
  • unmitigated imbecility

Dave could not believe his own unmitigated imbecility. He frowned through the windshield at the policemen, hollow-eyed and pale, from his perch spread-eagle on the hood of the patrol cruiser. He’d defeated the alarm system and picked four locks, only to get run down by the fuzz while jaywalking.

As the money he’d dropped fluttered down the street, Dave groped for buttons on the underside of his watchband, hoping the transition to a universe where he could be so stupid had also remade his timepiece into a versatile super-weapon. Gimme!

No use.

The officers got out and cuffed him to a chorus of raspberries from the other pedestrians.

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