Tagged: genitals

“Devlin is Such a Scamp!”

  • by jenforcing them to drop their wood
  • kissed each other good morning
  • his manhood in public
  • “Stop him! Stop him!”
  • enormous flocks of ducks
  • wolves, ibex, reindeer
  • reacts in a unique egotistic manner

“Devlin is such a scamp!” exclaimed Minerva du Mauvais to Bogman Bill after they kissed each other good morning, chastely, as was their custom. “Whenever he accomplishes something grand he reacts in a unique egotistic manner by exposing his manhood in public while surrounded by enormous flocks of ducks, wolves, ibex, reindeer, and children. The first time he did this it was so amusing! He paraded past a group of villagers out collecting firewood for the coming winter, forcing them to drop their wood in astonishment at the size and beauty of his man-meat, and causing the faint-of-heart to cry, ‘Stop him! Stop him!’“

She smiled indulgently at the memory.

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As The Mumu Princess

  • by jenMay your rod soften!
  • perhaps a seal
  • now she was all sweet decorum
  • the Mumu princess came down
  • where the clumped kelp grew
  • upon one elbow

As the mumu princess came down the church aisle, Lola the wedding planner admired her fanciful wedding gown, especially where the clumped kelp grew upon one elbow in the shape of an aquatic mammal — perhaps a seal, perhaps a sea lion.

It was a miracle they’d gotten the stubborn girl out of her mumus. Lola and her staff had earned their money there. With the help of the bride’s own father they’d convinced her something dressier than a flowing, shapeless robe was called for.

The mumu princess was furious with her father for interfering. She’d even yelled, “May your rod soften!” which seemed to Lola a wholly inappropriate insult to hurl at one’s father.

The mumu princess’s anger cooled eventually, she acquiesced, and now she was all sweet decorum.

Lola wished her new husband luck.

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I’m Getting Overeducated

  • by jenby the time I reached my adolescence
  • this filthy little segmented thing
  • he could make us all suffer
  • recommended the Eggs Benedict
  • his ears are adorable
  • I’m getting overeducated
  • kissed Sharon lightly on the cheek

I’m getting overeducated in regards to sex. By the time I reached my adolescence I’d seen it all, thanks to my older sister Sharon.

Our mother split when we were little, and our father was always out drinking, so it fell to Sharon to raise me and teach me the ways of the world.

Her boyfriend’s name was Hans, and he could make us all suffer with his attempts to speak English. Sharon didn’t care. “His ears are adorable!” she would say.

One night Hans arrived at our apartment and kissed Sharon lightly on the cheek. Mere moments later she was on her knees before him and he was pulling this filthy little segmented thing out of his trousers. I didn’t want to see any more.

I cleared my throat to remind them I was there. Hans told me to go to the diner and get something to eat. He recommended the Eggs Benedict.

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“Happy Birthday,” He Said

  • by jenshrinking like a balloon
  • 50 bucks worth of shit
  • picture of the burly child
  • “Happy birthday,” he said
  • passed a cohabitation law

“Happy birthday,” he said and handed Loretta 50 bucks worth of shit she didn’t need, as well as a picture of the burly child he had once been, back before the state passed a cohabitation law that compelled her to leave him behind with his father and take up residence with an old, half-senile party official whose phallus had the habit of shrinking like a balloon stuck by a pin whenever they were in bed together.

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Stop Laughing Like That

  • Stop laughing like that, you monster!
  • a wash of heat in his genitals
  • if they never killed a fox
  • then her lips twitched
  • and Philip swallowed

“Stop laughing like that, you monster!”

The  sound of Lola’s voice, so imperious, prompted a wash of heat in his genitals. But still he laughed, because a pretty lady in nothing but a fur coat is a vastly entertaining sight. And he was thinking how she would look at this moment if they never killed a fox, never made her coat.

“Philip, find my clothes! This is unforgivable!”

He started to think he’d made her too angry, but then her lips twitched into a lascivious smile, just for a moment, and Philip swallowed.

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Desdemona Smiled

  • by jenbut they still had logs enough
  • this was a popular shrine
  • the doorway of the weaving shed
  • platters of root vegetables
  • He is brisk in bed.
  • the stick he was using

Desdemona smiled and gestured to her crotch. “This was a popular shrine when I was younger. Now the fickle young men prefer others. But they still had logs enough for my purposes in the house of the elders, I found.

“Take Igor for instance,” Desdemona said of her most recent suitor. “He is brisk in bed. The stick he was using, if you’ll pardon the expression, gave more pleasure than all the platters of root vegetables stacked in the doorway of the weaving shed for winter ever could. If you know what I mean.”

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