Tagged: bow tie

Ofttimes In My Job as a Wedding Planner

  • by jenplays cat and mouse with the yakuza
  • simply wasn’t awesome enough
  • in blissful ignorance of the preparations
  • liked each other sincerely enough that there was little awkwardness
  • one helluva romp

Ofttimes in my job as a wedding planner I am at the beck and call of a very demanding and challenging bride, but none in my experience were worse than Catrinka. Popular culture calls these women “Bridezillas” but I see Catrinka as a different sort of Japanese-inspired trope: the geisha who plays cat and mouse with the yakuza and Daddy’s checkbook.

Nothing could please Catrinka. No matter how spectacular or expensive an item or venue, it simply wasn’t awesome enough for Catrinka. Her groom-to-be, Harold, meanwhile meandered along in blissful ignorance of the preparations. He cared naught for the details of the wedding or reception as long as the bachelor party was, in his words, “one helluva romp.” Catrinka didn’t give a fig what he and his friends got up to with the strippers as long as Harold arrived on time to the wedding wearing the proper color bow tie and socks. The betrothed liked each other sincerely enough that there was little awkwardness in this arrangement. And the checks all cleared, so I suppose I ultimately have nothing to complain about.

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Three Years Ago

  • by jenembraced this tree and wept
  • screwing around with the girls
  • make rocks fry eggs
  • Larry “The Boot”
  • before the sound left my tongue
  • possibly due to the polka-dot bow tie

Three years ago I ran into this forest, embraced this tree, and wept. Three years ago I caught my boyfriend Larry screwing around with the girls from the nearby private academy. Three years ago I got so mad that the power of my fury was great enough to make rocks fry eggs in a 2 meter diameter circle around me, but when I opened my mouth to give Larry “The Boot,” as they say, something froze me before the sound left my tongue. I have spent the past three years trying to figure out why I couldn’t tell Larry off, and I have concluded that it was possibly due to the polka-dot bow tie he was wearing.

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