Tagged: apocrypha

Working Without a Net

r-avatarIt started off as research notes. We need to nail down the methodology of one of our characters, incorporating a bit of near-future seasoning.

Then Kent said, “I should write an apocryphal scene depicting all this stuff, to get a feel for it.” The next bright idea was, “Why not consult the outline and find a beat that belongs in the novel, so the prose doesn’t just get discarded?”

That’s fine in theory. Economizing effort. Thing is, the stubbing process hasn’t progressed that far into the outline yet. So, it became an object lesson in our dependency on stubs. When Jen heard the first draft, she said, “It’s well done…”

Uh oh.

Some of what Kent invented on the fly wasn’t right for that moment, or for that character. We both liked the imagery and the conceptual basis, though, which gave us a minor dilemma. The whole idea had been to avoid discarding the practice-prose, but now we had something that wasn’t working.

Fortunately, we have each other to talk to. In short order we determined that what Kent had come up with makes more sense if it’s attached to another character. And it does — it’s more in line with her personality, and it dovetails more smoothly with some later plot developments. One wonders how things would have taken shape had we played by our own rules. We’ll never know, but we know we’re pleased with how it’s working out.

The Host of My Favorite Music Podcast

  • by jenentirely the wrong kind of inflection
  • turned into wobbly rubber
  • delicately touched the sleeve
  • because of technical embargoes
  • liquor and the jellies
  • with ice in his voice
  • only to force cursing
  • Caesar, the Decembrists, Prince Charlie, Xerxes

The host of my favorite music podcast made the announcement with ice in his voice, and entirely the wrong kind of inflection. Big Jim Caesar, the Decembrists, Prince Charlie, Xerxes and Lolita, and KGI would all be playing Bonnaroo this year, but because of technical embargoes, Liquor and the Jellies (my favorite band), would not. The news seemed designed only to force cursing from me, and I complied, letting loose a stream of profanity that did not stop until my neighbor pounded on the wall. My stomach turned to wobbly rubber when I remembered how much I’d paid for my ticket on Craigslist. I delicately touched the sleeve of my kimono to my cheek to blot my tears of disappointment and fury while inwardly I vowed vengeance against the president’s new War on Synthesizers.

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Minerva du Mauvais Stood Naked in the Forest

  • by jenwe who shared a womb
  • pointing at a couch
  • the oath of Hippocrates
  • despite the freezing night
  • sly apple-polishing
  • Moon maidens must be strong

Minerva du Mauvais stood naked in the forest despite the freezing night. Moon maidens must be strong, she admonished herself inwardly, and suppressed a shiver. Her brother Devlin paced the clearing, reciting the oath of Hippocrates in its original form — before it was co-opted by the do-gooding healers.

Once finished with the ceremony, Devlin led Minerva inside the black condo they shared. “Wait for me there, darling,” he growled, pointing at a couch. “And none of your sly ‘apple-polishing’ before I return. Save your energies for me.”

“Spoil sport,” Minerva pouted, but she laced her fingers together and twiddled her thumbs to occupy her time while Devlin made a few arcane phone calls.

We who shared a womb with the devil know all his secrets. Isn’t that right, Mirny?” Devlin said upon his return. Minerva knew that meant the ritual had succeeded and they were now free to celebrate in the most carnal of ways.

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Aarto Hammersmith Was a Tall Norwegian Man

  • by jena pair of filthy feet
  • an enormous cantilevered balcony
  • a bin of oval fish
  • On a sailboat?
  • Free-Range Antelope Chops
  • a tall Norwegian

Aarto Hammersmith was a tall Norwegian man with blond hair, bright blue eyes, and a penchant for sailing inherited from his viking forefathers. Standing on the prow of a ship made Aarto feel like he had discovered an enormous cantilevered balcony over the fjords of his homeland.

When the ship docked in Tokyo harbor it took on several passengers and a bin of oval fish of a type Aarto had never seen before. Intrigued, he tracked down the owner of the bin to ask what the odd oval fish were called. He found her sitting on the deck, dangling a pair of filthy feet through the railing. They were, in fact, her own feet, which was good news to Aarto because she was gorgeous: a beautiful Japanese marine biologist named Hiromi Sakai. They spent the afternoon together talking fish and falling in love. That night at dinner Hiromi, explaining that she never ate the fish she adored, ordered Free-Range Antelope Chops.

Antelope chops? thought Aarto. On a sailboat?

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Hand-Drawn and Pale-Colored

  • by jendrawn and pale
  • clay alien bust
  • that’s gotta come first
  • made my teeth sweat
  • leg had healed so well

Hand-drawn and pale-colored stars decorate the clay alien bust that is the centerpiece of the exhibit. Hieronymus Warhol describes the sculpting process like this: “Inspiration — that’s gotta come first, before the clay is ever touched. I had this idea and it was so good it made my teeth sweat, or maybe it was the pain medicine that made ’em sweat. My wife Fiona told me I should stop taking the medicine once my leg had healed so well, but I didn’t listen to her. And it’s a good thing I didn’t.”

bonus points for using them in order!

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The “Lost” Episode of Tagalong Bub

  • by jenlatent potencies later in the program
  • you got so carried away
  • ignorance of the law is no excuse, Bub.
  • a betrothal my father renounced
  • chump on the dome

The “Lost” Episode of Tagalong Bub

You got so carried away, but ignorance of the law is no excuse, Bub,” said Pappy.

“I know that now, Pappy, and I’m terribly sorry. I feel just like a chump on the dome.”

“Oh, sonny,” said Pappy, patting Tagalong Bub on the shoulder, “don’t beat yourself up. We’ll get this all straightened out. You’ll see.”

“She’s just so awful purty, Pappy,” said Bub, as a heart-shaped thought balloon image of the cartoon’s villainess RunAmok Sal hovered over his head. “I never dreamed I’d fall in love and wind up involved in a betrothal my father renounced.”

And so it seemed that Tagalong Bub had narrowly avoided RunAmok Sal’s trap, but the love potion Sal used was complicated and revealed its latent potencies later in the program when she sneaked into Bub’s bedroom and forcibly consummated their union.

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“Johnny? Johnny?”

  • by jena full partner
  • still facing the lighted rectangle
  • How will she face the wrath of god?
  • hours
  • Johnny? Johnny?

Johnny? Johnny?” Minerva becomes more convinced by the minute that brother was right. Making Johnny a full partner in this endeavor was a mistake.

It has been hours since she cast the spell, and Johnny is still facing the lighted rectangle, immobile and unspeaking.

The attempt to create an oracle failed. Minerva wonders about her fate. How will she face the wrath of god? Anubis is notoriously stubborn about holding grudges, after all.

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The Aesthetic Accomplished by the Artist

  • by jeninsecure escapist
  • certain foundation of misery
  • witches who steal penises
  • aesthetic

“The aesthetic accomplished by the artist is a certain foundation of misery seen through the eyes of an insecure escapist,” Desmond wrote, “but why this piece is called ‘Witches Who Steal Penises‘ is beyond me.”

bonus points for using them all in one sentence

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Gladiola Sincerely Hoped

  • by jengroup prayer
  • informality prevails
  • lavish ceremonialism
  • genitals

Gladiola sincerely hoped that the large crowd would respect the lavish ceremonialism she had striven for when arranging the group prayer, and that it wouldn’t degenerate into one of the boorish affairs where informality prevails and the men feel compelled to expose their genitals.

bonus points for using them all in one sentence!

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Devlin du Mauvais Knew Himself to be a Very Attractive Man

  • by jenperhaps a bit long and square-jawed
  • unable to cause his larynx to make sound
  • something as mundane as a monkey reflex
  • through his half-open shirtfront
  • “Welcome, gentlemen, to Sugarloaf Mountain.”
  • next thing you’ll be hearing church bells
  • with their passionate tornadoes of paper

Devlin du Mauvais knew himself to be a very attractive man, even if his hair was perhaps a bit long. And square-jawed masculinity never went out of style, he knew, but it did nothing to explain his skill as a black magician.

Devin’s sister Minerva grasped the throat of the dead man on the table, but no matter how hard she squeezed, she was unable to cause his larynx to make sound.

“Why does this carcass defy me!?” she demanded. “He should at least possess something as mundane as a monkey reflex, not just lay there inertly.”

“Sister, dear, calm down, or the next thing you’ll be hearing church bells ringing through your nerves and the men in white, with their passionate tornadoes of paperwork, will take you away again.”

Minerva took a deep breath, then she smiled seductively and tweaked Devlin’s nipple through his half-open shirtfront.

As they kissed, she ran her hand down to his erection and cooed, “Welcome, gentlemen, to Sugarloaf Mountain.”

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