I Dearly Wanted to Get Off this Island
It was fine.- crude message printed almost illegibly
- It’s winter 9 months of the year here!
- not wear a t-rex costume to a wedding
- with the snake venom outside of your body
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I dearly wanted to get off this island, but I tried to play it cool with the Baron. Like I didn’t care either way. It was fine. I was fine. We were fine. I was wary of looking too eager before I heard his full proposal.
“I see you are a shrewd man,” Baron von Dimpleheimer said. “And she is a shrewd robot. Allow me to lay out my proposal.” He crossed the room to a refrigerator made from a large, upturned treasure chest. Stuck to the front with a starfish-shaped magnet was a postcard with a crude message printed almost illegibly on the back. He brought the missive to me. On the front was an aerial photo of Enigma Fortress where I was supposed to be stationed. Emblazoned across the snowy landscape were the words “It’s winter 9 months of the year here!” in a jaunty font. I flipped it over to read the chicken scratch on the back.
“Dear Mum,
Today I learnt that in the Paradoxica Mountains it is frownt upon to not wear a t-rex costume to a wedding. I have been arrested by the Royal Contrarian Fashion Police and am being held in this fortress. Please hire a fashionable barrister to argue my case.”
The card was unsigned, but I recognized the terrible handwriting, and it left me with that feeling you get when you are bitten by a clumsy snake and you experience the pain of the fangs, but with the snake venom outside of your body, sizzling on your skin.
bonus points for using them in order